Reach

One of my favorite paintings is the famous Christina's World, seen below:

I have always found it beautiful and have a print hanging on the wall.  To me, it spoke of yearning.  She is placed as the focus of the painting, but her focus is on the house beyond... far across the field.

There have been times in my life when this spoke deeply to me- of looking where one wanted to go.  Of wishing, of hoping for something beyond and perhaps difficult to get to.

Today, for the first time... I looked at it and thought, Perhaps she is not looking at how far she has to go.

Perhaps she is looking at how far she has come.

Tonight my run had a few setbacks before it even started.  My mp3 player went through the wash and is now a super clean paperweight.  Two different phones were low on batteries, and I couldn't find clean running socks.  It was also raining.

I considered postponing.  These thoughts still always come first, but every day I try to tell them, a la Sarah in Labyrinth, "You have no power over me."

I found my last pair of clean socks.  I borrowed a cell phone.  I put on a poncho.  And I ran.

Jogging in a poncho was not unlike I imagine jogging in a giant ziploc bag would be, but my new outfit stayed pretty cool and dry even so.  I didn't have music on the borrowed phone either, but in the end, it was done.

Today is my 2-month anniversary of restarting the Plan.  I have been fully committed except for the four days when I fell off in late July.  While I wish they had not happened, they help to remind me- the taste of food is not worth it.  Food does not change anything, but this does.

Yet, every day I am tempted again.  My first thoughts are never to eat well or to workout; they are to eat poorly and sit on the couch or in front of the computer, instead.  Thoughts did not make me feel the way I felt about myself, though- actions, and inaction did.

I write instead of eat.  I reaffirm to myself here, every day, why I do this and what I need to remember to continue it.

My focus was once on a hope that seemed impossible to reach; just a dream.  Tonight, I look back and see that what made it "impossible" was me.

If Christina is looking forward... then who says it is with trepidation, with fear or hopelessness?  Perhaps she is already on her way, and merely catching her breath.  We cannot see her face.  Perhaps she knows- even if she must crawl, step by step, minute by minute... she can get there.  She will reach beyond.

My blog is named after a children's song.  They're cheery and encouraging, and I found that it encouraged me, too.  Don't stop, don't give up.  Never give up.  Keep trying.

We can get there.

Exercise: Sweat 3/4 (cardio; 40 minutes); C25K Week 7, Day 3 (jogging; 25 minutes)
Eating: 1,140 calories; 5 quarts water